Saturday, September 25, 2010

#2 - Self Checkout

Thanks for your continuing desire to do everything right. The little things are what add up to make a society, and this blog is about how to do them right. Today's topic is...

Self Checkout

The Problem
For some time now, grocery stores have been replacing cashier jobs with automated checkout machines. Now, rather than an experienced and skilled cashier ringing up orders, we have orders being rung up by the general food-eating population. One thing that's true about people who eat food is that they don't do everything right.

My recent experience at a Pittsburgh area Giant Eagle is all too typical. I was attempting to purchase a dozen eggs and a package of crappy store brand cookies. There were two self checkout lines open and each one had a customer ringing up an order of roughly ten items. Zero people were in line when I got there so I was up next.

If you think I had paid for those cookies in under ten minutes you're wrong. On the left was a Romantic Couple Ringing Up Every Item Romantically. One thing about doing things romantically is that you are not doing them fast. On the right was a guy who decided his groceries would be best rung up by a two-year-old. One thing two-year-olds aren't good at is everything.

Another common problem, not encountered here, is the shopper who looks through all her groceries to find The. Perfect. Item. To. Ring. Up. Next. She's scanning items in alphabetical order. The Cyrillic alphabet.

The Solution
I have read the cashier training manual from a large Western New York-based supermarket chain, so let me paraphrase. It is just scan, scan, scan, scan, until all your items are scanned. Then you place them in a bag and go home.

You know what is romantic? Getting out of the goddamn store. And if you want to let your two-year-old learn manual dexterity, let him drive the fuck home. I want to buy my cookies.

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